The power of dogma. Continue reading Black unity
On Tuesday 12/02, my therapist asked for a thumbnail summary of my overall situation.
I know no way to account for this but the exact scenario I set forth in “Chaos overwhelms the poor:” I pay attention only to the concrete here-and-how, and to what I myself can do. (Related: Here – Now – Can.) From the farthest reach of my right fingertip to my right, to the farthest reach of my left fingertip to my left: within that range lies all my responsibility, everything that I can control. Here, the world appears orderly. Here, I can order and manage my affairs. Here I have power. I can act effectively. I can easily find hope.
My core belief is fairly obscure.
I never supposed anyone would attack it directly.
Goodwill IS wealth.
Pharrell Williams, “Happy”
From my diary:
Thursday 2014-06-19. 13:30. In a recent column, Dan Rodricks mentioned Manna House, which I’d never heard of before. At McD this morning, Roy was talking to somebody and mentioned having been at Manna House last night — “with the critters and the crazies.” I was quite surprised to hear him talk like that, since in my book, he’s “a critter and a crazy.” The people who frequent that place must be really bad off. I would recall [a former therapist, whose principal practice was in addictions]‘s saying, when I asked many years ago about the mentally ill among the homeless, that “they’re so sick they can’t be treated.” Part of my heart reaches out to them; can it be that I might sink so low as to become able to see the world as they see it? What does the Gospel look like to a hopeless schizophrenic?
Friday, May 16, 2014. There were a number of events at McD this morning that normally would have distracted me, and did not. This suggests that presence is becoming habitual — as is focus on my goals. But there may be more involved.
Roy and Jimmy sat in a booth near me, and Roy was complaining that the clothes they give him at the clothes window at the shelter aren’t always the right size. He also, to my amazement, complained about the food. I answered him silently, “If you were focused on advancing your own situation, you wouldn’t be concerned about those things.”
Teddy is an old man. He wears a rosary around his neck, and never fails to “testify” in chapel. “I talk to the Father, Son and Holy Ghost every day,” he says. Every time there’s an altar call, he runs right up there to get born-again — again. Five times a week, he’ll do that.
He got barred out a year ago for selling someone oxycontin.
Friday night 09/07/12, he came back. He insists to everyone that he’s never been here before, and said he wants to get into the program.
Aside from those things, he hasn’t changed at all. Still all the same empty religious talk.
Sunday night he said he changed his mind about the program. They require you to sign over all your benefits, and he’s not willing to do that. That tells me you don’t want to get well.
I get bad feelings every time I see him.
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Sitting outside waiting to be let in, Wednesday 08/29/12 Fallon and a couple other guys I don’t like too much got into reminiscing about how this shelter used to be, years ago, before the renovation. This upset me.
With Amy Dickinson’s permission, I am copying here below the whole of her column for today. All three letters touch dramatically on principles I associate with presence, including “Keep the focus on you,” “Mind your own business,” and “Don’t come uninvited.”
DEAR AMY: My fiance’s mother is a monster. He gets upset any time they speak. The latest incident was because he had not been in touch with her since Christmas.
Continue reading Ask Amy: Inflating the drama won’t help fiance deal with mother
As long as you’re complaining
— about ANY THING —
you’re not doing what you can.
As remarked recently, I am almost never verbally insulted for being homeless.
The insults that do come are events at the clothes window, in the shower room at the shelter.