Category Archives: Homelessness

Me, Me, Me

January 12, 2017Dependency, Get on your feet, Homelessness, Motivations, Poverty, SqualorAddiction, Choosing feelings, Crime, Infantilism, Physics, Prayer, Selfishness, Yin-YangWilliam Tell

(Originally published 06/06/13 at Trojan Horse Productions. Republished here 10/30/13.)

This has been a very heavy day, and there’s a lot here. For the moment, at least, I will not try to organize this.

Darkness at times appears to serve Light; destruction, to serve creation.

It is a rude awakening for me to have to revisit the world of infantile self-centeredness, apparently to have to re-learn correctly this time (at age 57!) some things I didn’t learn correctly on the first go-round.

A world where it is correct for me to want things only for “Me, me, me!”
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Dilemma

January 11, 2017Get on your feet, Homelessness, Job search/Job prospects, Motivations, Poverty, The Way of PeaceHealing, Infantilism, Jesus, Need, Neediness, Outer darkness, Prayer, Self-love, Stewardship, Your Heart's DesireWilliam Tell

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In a comment on a WaPo article about “Prosperity Gospel” televangelists, someone said:

Jesus taught us to think of others needs before our own.

As of now I dispute that Jesus taught that.

If he did teach that, Jesus was wrong.
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Secrets of the Dead Sea scrolls

January 7, 2017Bible, Homelessness, National mediaAuthority, Bible codes, Dead Sea Scrolls, Essenes, Experimental religion, Gnosticism, Gospel of Thomas, Lost books of the Bible, Nag Hammadi Library, Secret teachings, Stigmata, What IsWilliam Tell

The real secret: There aren’t any.

Christmas day, when I sat down in the shower line at the shelter where I stay, Comet was showing the last 15 minutes or so of a movie. The din in the room normally precludes hearing any dialogue, but a momentary dip allowed me to hear this: one man told another on the phone, “The missing gospel has been found.”

There followed a long sequence of a woman writhing and screaming on a bed, while blood flowed from her hands, feet and scalp. This was interspersed with black-and-white scenes of Jesus’ crucifixion. The bedroom was engulfed in flames.

The next scene was of a man digging in the floor of a church while a nearby statue of the Virgin wept blood.

The movie concluded with three stills of white text on a black background.

The first still read to this effect:

In 1945, near Nag Hammadi, Egypt, a scroll was found buried in the sand. It began with the words, “These are the secret teachings of Jesus Christ.”

The scroll can say whatever it likes.

The second still read to this effect:

Known as “The Gospel of Thomas,” scholars the world over have agreed that this scroll contains the closest thing we have to the actual words of the historical Jesus.

It’s highly debatable that there’s any such consensus.

The third still read to this effect:

Even so, the Vatican refuses to recognize this text, and has gone so far as to call it heresy.

The Vatican is free to choose what it does and does not believe.

No horror movie will persuade me about the Gospel of Thomas.
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14:32

December 31, 2016Homelessness, The Way of PeaceAcceptance, Anger, Bargaining, Choosing feelings, Denial, Depression, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, Five stages of grief, Grief, Immortality, On Death and Dying, Resurrection, SacrificeWilliam Tell

Friday, October 6.

I arrived at the shelter where I stay at 14:32. There was no line of people waiting admission. They nominally open the gate at 14:30, but in fact sometimes do at 14:15, 14:00 or even 13:00. When I later asked what time they’d opened today, I was told 14:30. That can’t be factual, though: given current intake procedures, they can’t possibly have processed 30+ persons in two minutes.

Marvin arrived at the same time. I stayed outside to finish a cigarette, and he slipped in in front of me. He got assigned #41, “my” bunk, a bottom bunk. I got assigned the only available remaining bunk, #40, a top bunk and thus much less desirable.

If I had arrived only 30 seconds earlier, I would have been assigned “my” bunk, a bottom bunk, the one much more desirable. I found myself scouring my memory as to anything I could have done to have left church even 30 seconds earlier. I would recognize the mistake of looking only at my last activities before leaving; whereas 30 seconds at any point during the day would have made the difference.

I would recognize that I was “bargaining.”

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Giving it all away

December 29, 2016Homelessness, OUR BEST POSTS, Poverty, SqualorGiving it all away, Homeless, Jake Pavelka, Locking my bag, Phil Collins, The Homeless Blogger, TohuWilliam Tell

(Originally published 05/09/12 at Trojan Horse Productions. Republished here 10/30/13.)

At work on Tuesday 05/08/12, the radio station they had on the PA played Genesis’ “Giving it all away.”

People see things different ways given their personal circumstances.

I know nothing about Phil Collins personally. But in all likelihood, were he to “give it all away” as he understands it, he would probably have a lot left.

Not I.

All I own is the contents of two heavy bags. Giving it all away would be a simple gesture. And afterwards, I would have nothing.

———— ♦ ————

That afternoon, as usual, as soon as I got to my bunk I sat down and got out my medications for the evening. The guy assigned to the bunk above me was a newcomer, real clean-cut, a Jake Pavelka lookalike.

“Got any goodies in those pill bottles?” he asked.

“No,” I answered.

“It’d been cooler if you’d said yes,” he said.

As usual, I put my meds back in my zipper bag when I finished, and, as usual, I locked it.

Because of guys like him.
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Forgiveness

December 17, 2016Homelessness, JusticeAnger, Favoritism, Grief, Grievance, Injustice, Jealousy, Jesus, Karma, Presence, What IsWilliam Tell

Friday, October 14

At the homeless shelter where I stay, bunks are supposed to be assigned daily strictly on a first-come, first-served basis. But they try to give each man the same bunk as he had the night before. It’s an imperfect system.

About a month ago, we got a whole new crew of peacekeepers. They have their own favorites, and I am not among them. About ten days ago, Kelvin and Marvin were in line behind me. Steve, who was assigning bunks, sent word out to ask if they were there. They got called in and assigned their bunks. I got turned away.

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What a homeless man dreams of

December 15, 2016Homelessness, Job search/Job prospects, OUR BEST POSTS47%, Cat, Dreams, Homeless, Mitt Romney, Popcorn, Shortbread, Spaghetti, The Homeless BloggerWilliam Tell

(Originally posted 10/11/13.)

Having several interviews in quick succession has raised my hopes and made my dreams more vivid.

I can hardly wait to become a taxpayer again. This has been on my prayer list (I pray for it daily.) for more than two years.

They pass the offering plate at church, and now I’m wanting each time to put something in. If either of these jobs works out, I will be able to tithe, use my offering envelopes, and give $30 or $60 each week.

I dream of having a kitten, and cleaning the litter box each day. Seriously: I dream intentionally of playing with the cat, and cleaning the litter box. The point: I will have bought and paid for the cat, its food, the litter box, the litter, and the rent on this apartment, all with my own hard-earned money.

I likewise dream intentionally of washing dishes; sweeping and mopping the floor (normally on my hands and knees); and doing laundry. I take joy in these for the same reason: I bought the pots, food and dish soap; I bought the broom, dust pan, mop, bucket and detergent; I bought the clothes; I pay the rent, all with money I earned.

In my view, these dreams constitute prayer.

The biggest difference between me and most people around me is that they love to get things, but I love to create things. Thus they may like to gamble, for example, whereas I’d rather write or garden or cook.

There’s no end to what a single man can accomplish with one two-quart saucepan. It serves as cooking pot, serving dish and plate. Unless I change my ways, I’ll wash and scrub it thoroughly before each use (sic).

Not everyone will find my favorite dishes appealing, but these are things we never get at the shelter, and I dream about them often:

A big pot of green lima beans with butter. With bread or baked potatoes on the side, this can last three or four days.
A pot of spaghetti, into which I’ll stir a big wallop of peanut butter and slices of cheddar cheese. That will probably be consumed the same night.
Popcorn: Melt two tbsp. of butter in the saucepan, add the yellow corn and cover. Once three kernels pop, remove from heat for one minute. Upon return to heat, after about one minute the remaining corn will all pop at once, with no unpopped kernels and no scorching. It’s already “buttered.” Sprinkle with paprika, if desired.
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Shortbread. Anyone can easily make at home, world-class shortbread equal to the best of the best. I’ve done it many times. Two parts sugar, three parts butter, four parts flour. Knead with a fork until it becomes flaky. Press into a pan and bake.

Yeast breads. In 2010-11 (the year before I became homeless) I was routinely making breads of bakery quality; I could have gone into business. I will use the old-timey method, saving a lump of dough from one batch to use as yeast for the next. See “Jesus’ outrageous parables.”

I’ll make cinnamon rolls at least once a week.
A peanut butter and jelly roll need not be cut into slices; I’ll just put the whole loaf in the loaf pan. Fresh from the oven, it will be hard not to consume the same night.

Then I dream some more about playing with the cat. Four legs of female in bed every night — the biting, the clawing, the scratching — Oh, what a feline!

on air talent, the homeless blogger, radio talk show, talk show host