Tag Archives: Presence

* Chaos overwhelms the poor

(Originally posted 08/06/14. Reblogged 08/15/24.)

Some weeks ago, I stood in line awaiting check-in at the shelter. This place charges $3 a night. I was holding my money in my hand, and someone playfully tugged at it. I snapped. I said, “You don’t value your life much, do you?”

Minutes later, I explained this to someone else. I said, “Don’t take a man’s last dollar.” “Why not?” he asked. I said, ” ‘Cause that’s the one he’ll die for. That’s the one he’ll kill for.”

Don’t take my last dollar. That’s the one I’ll kill for.

I’ve been on hard times since 2004. If I lose, or am robbed or cheated, of $20 or $50, that’s a pretty significant amount. But it doesn’t hurt all that much if I have more, and know more is coming. However, if I lose, or someone robs or cheats me of my last $1 — that’s the one that really hurts. That’s the one I’ll kill for.

These memories came to me as I reflected on Maggie Fox’s 08/29/2013 article, “Poor people aren’t stupid; bad decisions are from being overwhelmed, study finds.”
Continue reading * Chaos overwhelms the poor

* Take things in stride

16:03 Thursday 2016-09-08

A case on point.

Today as I walked toward the shelter, I contemplated that I am likely to have no smokes during the day tomorrow. How will I handle this; how will I feel about it? Factors:

• How important is it, compared to other things I may attend to?
• Can I take things in stride?
• (There was a third one, that escapes me just now.)

Then I arrived at the shelter. It was 15:25, and the gate was locked. In the end, I got turned away.

For the second time in two days.

Continue reading * Take things in stride

* Paying my dues, singing the blues?

Courage and despair hang in the balance for a homeless radio talk jock wannabe.

“You’ve got to pay your dues
If you want to sing the blues,
And you know, it don’t come easy.”
— Ringo Starr, “It Don’t Come Easy”

Many years ago, when I first conceived the ambition to become a radio talk show host, I quickly selected that song as virtually a theme for my show. Life is difficult. My heart’s desire was to equip people to face life’s difficulties head-on.

My life circumstances were far more comfortable at that time than they have become since. Now I’m asking myself if I’m paying my dues; if I can sing the blues; and whether I myself will face life’s difficulties head-on.
Continue reading * Paying my dues, singing the blues?

* Let that shit go

The whole hullaballoo about #microaggressions assumes that one can never heal from even the slightest insult. The same applies, frankly, to a ton of what folk obsess on concerning #injustice and #racism.

And certainly I’ve done enough such obsessing myself; in the end it plays a large role in how I became homeless. And have remained homeless.

How I’ve failed to get back on my feet.

In this vein, I often recall Matthew 19:24, about the camel that can’t get through The Needle’s Eye (a particular very narrow gate in Jerusalem). Many people may be “poor” in material things, but exceptionally “rich” in resentments. One must unpack the camel, discard all that junk, if one is ever to enter the Kingdom.

Reblogged 04/11/24.

ends and beginnings blog's avatarEnds and Beginnings

Let that shit go

If I were to bet I would guess that 90% of the “shit” that troubles us is already behind us. In some cases, so far in our past that we are not even sure if we still have the story straight.

“Two monks were on a pilgrimage. One day, they came to a deep river. At the edge of the river, a young woman sat weeping, because she was afraid to cross the river without help. She begged the two monks to help her. The younger monk turned his back. The members of their order were forbidden to touch a woman. But the older monk picked up the woman without a word and carried her across the river. He put her down on the far side and continued his journey. The younger monk came after him, scolding him and berating him for breaking his vows. He went on this way for…

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* The best present makes the best future.

I’m posting very little new material these days, but there are hundreds of posts different folks may not have seen the first time around.  So I’ve had in mind possibly to start “recycling” old posts.

I happened across this one today.  Actually, its story has been on my mind given recent difficulties getting into the shelter.  And when I re-read it today, I was moved, not just by the story about Leo, but the remark about dwelling in untoward feelings.  I see so many people around me, and so many expressions in the media, of folk dwelling in grievance, anger, the feeling of injustice, of being disadvantaged, of harboring resentment especially against those of different skin color.

And even within Christianity, I find sometimes such negativity being encouraged, in the name of justice; wholly forgetting the Gospel mandate to forgive, forgive, forgive.

The below post first appeared 2015-12-12.

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Saturday 2015-12-05

14:40. Actually, Leo arrived first.

But he got turned away.

Continue reading * The best present makes the best future.

* Appetites for darkness; befriending the shadow self.

Tuesday afternoon at the library, instead of doing anything on [church obligations], I spent time with several articles that could have been predicted to make me angry. I’ve forgotten specifics about them, and Net History from the library terminal isn’t available to me here. The deal is, I recognized an appetite for darkness; “The Itch.” Similarly yesterday, yesterday morning, once I realized I really had nothing to do that day, I became intensely angry and prone to look for ways to act out that anger; e.g. by finding more such articles to fume over. Went through some more of the same last night, albeit presence in the shower saw it all go away.

All this in the face of my goal of being perpetually happy and cheerful and an emanator of light and joy.

Continue reading * Appetites for darkness; befriending the shadow self.

* The Real Reason Why You Haven’t Healed Your Trauma/Depression/Heartbreak

At first I expected this author to affirm the “blame-your-past” orientation of “the prevailing psychological wisdom of our time.”  Instead, she sets forth an intriguing vision remarkably similar to my own, with, for me, remarkably intriguing ramifications that I want to consider further.

Her counsel is to accept What Is.

Continue reading * The Real Reason Why You Haven’t Healed Your Trauma/Depression/Heartbreak

* Why racism no longer matters to me

The last straw for certain things came with a Baltimore Sun front page banner headline:

Skepticism, despair as killings continue
Residents question city response; Four day death toll stands at 12.

I anticipate no response from Julia CravenJenee Desmond-HarrisTa-Nehisi CoatesStacey Patton, or Brittney Cooper.[*]

What was the last straw?

In short, it’s time for me to stop concerning myself with racism and race.

Continue reading * Why racism no longer matters to me