At least, not for people like me.[*]
Last Sunday, I faced emotional blocks such that I had absolutely no desire to become William Tell. At prayer time in service, I would tell the visiting minister, “I’ve had this plan for twenty years, but now find myself unwilling to execute.”
Issue: if I were to give up my ambitions in radio, what would I do instead? I must find some way to support myself.
I was back in the same position as I was as a senior in high school. I had such a diversity of talents, I was told I could excel in any field I might choose. But which one? I had no sense of direction.
Feeling like a teenager again was not, in this case, a good thing. I have 42 fewer years left in life in which to accomplish any thing.
I saw at this time, as I have seen many times before: apply reason to all your options, and in the end — just as the choice of whether to feel good or bad seems finally wholly arbitrary — the choice of what to want may be finally wholly arbitrary as well.
But choose one must, else one will get nowhere.
And nowhere is somewhere I can’t afford to go. Not now.
Once one has decided what to want, the next task is to actually want it. The former task is cognitive, idea-tic, mind-ish; the latter affective, emotional, soul-ish.
At least for people like me, wanting what one’s chosen to isn’t necessarily automatic. It seems to me one must create the desire from scratch, by act of will.
Or else, again, one will go nowhere.
Without desire, there will be no movement.
Without emotion, there is no motion.
Sunday night, I managed to grasp what the emotional blocks consisted of, and eliminate them. I was not surprised; these issues have been on my mind for several months. It entailed making some sacrifices. I am again willing to become William Tell. But getting there will take work.
[*]I have heard this may be a feature of the NF personality.
Related: Choosing to feel good is not a no-brainer.
Related: Changing what I want
Originally posted 2015-07-25.