What do you want?


Choices between darkness and light.

Copied from my diary for 07/24/20. Maroon, bold, is the color I use in my diary for passages about spirituality.

I don’t like unexpected free time. I want to make every moment count, and I can’t necessarily do that with unexpected free time.

So I finished all my normal morning self-care and prayer stuff, and had twenty minutes before I’d have to leave my room to catch the 12:16 bus downtown.

I sat on the kiosk outside the casino, smoking and fussing. After the smoke, I would go across the street to Royal Farms and buy my Cokes and doughnuts for the day, and hopefully get back in time to catch that bus.

I was antsy and full of energy and not sure what to do with it. Already in a negative frame of mind (given that I don’t like unexpected free time), I considered complaining to myself about The Same Things I Always Complain About. But I didn’t like that idea, either; it would entail involvement in negativity.

This voice came:

“What do you want?”

It’s hard for me to be concrete, answering that. I want a permanent home exactly like the hotel room I have now. I want The William Tell Show to bring hope and encouragement to many people, thousands. I want a world of happiness and joy.

So I changed the direction of my thinking and feeling, and felt better.

See, I had a choice of focusing either on things I don’t like, or things I would like.

God will not compel anyone to choose one way or the other.

And I could puzzle anxiously forever over the mystery of dualism, why the negative choice — call it “sin” — is even possible.

But I know from previous experience that consistent focus on what I want, rather than what I don’t want, is prone to bring that (happiness and joy) more and more into experience, to truly lift me onto a higher spiritual plane, and a different physical plane, also — where less and less do I even notice negativity, and things become possible in practical terms that one would never have thought possible before.

Things like loving one’s enemies, which many folk take as utter folly.

That’s all.

Related: Balk: Issues of the idle mind
Related: About Edgar Cayce’s dream, part 1About Edgar Cayce’s dream, part 2

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