Choices between darkness and light.
Copied from my diary for 07/24/20. Maroon, bold, is the color I use in my diary for passages about spirituality.
I don’t like unexpected free time. I want to make every moment count, and I can’t necessarily do that with unexpected free time.
So I finished all my normal morning self-care and prayer stuff, and had twenty minutes before I’d have to leave my room to catch the 12:16 bus downtown.
I sat on the kiosk outside the casino, smoking and fussing. After the smoke, I would go across the street to Royal Farms and buy my Cokes and doughnuts for the day, and hopefully get back in time to catch that bus.
I was antsy and full of energy and not sure what to do with it. Already in a negative frame of mind (given that I don’t like unexpected free time), I considered complaining to myself about The Same Things I Always Complain About. But I didn’t like that idea, either; it would entail involvement in negativity.
This voice came:
“What do you want?”
It’s hard for me to be concrete, answering that. I want a permanent home exactly like the hotel room I have now. I want The William Tell Show to bring hope and encouragement to many people, thousands. I want a world of happiness and joy.
So I changed the direction of my thinking and feeling, and felt better.
See, I had a choice of focusing either on things I don’t like, or things I would like.
God will not compel anyone to choose one way or the other.
And I could puzzle anxiously forever over the mystery of dualism, why the negative choice — call it “sin” — is even possible.
But I know from previous experience that consistent focus on what I want, rather than what I don’t want, is prone to bring that (happiness and joy) more and more into experience, to truly lift me onto a higher spiritual plane, and a different physical plane, also — where less and less do I even notice negativity, and things become possible in practical terms that one would never have thought possible before.
Things like loving one’s enemies, which many folk take as utter folly.